AmrraBlog

I've got an old Padres cap that I've had since the '98 season. That hat means a lot to me. That's the year they went to the series and were swept by the Yankees...because of one bad call that should have been a called third strike that would have ended the inning...next pitch was a home run...

grrr...anyway...

The hat's made it this far, been pretty dirty but never really EXTREMELY gross. Until we unpacked it from one of the boxes we shipped down from Seattle after the accident. I was so happy I found it, I put it on and got this bizarre feeling like microbes were burrowing their way into my head. I took it off and smelled it, not too bad. But the texture of the hat was...greasy. Oily.

Slimy.

Now, when it comes to baseball, I'm a pretty superstitious guy. I have no idea if I'm actually serious about my baseball superstitions, you'd have to ask Mrs. Z and maybe Lyn. The hat has had it. (ed. note: that's really hard to type) But, with both my superstitions and sentimentality getting in the way, I can't just dispose of the hat in the nearest dumpster. I want to retire it in a manner befitting it's importance in my life over the last 7 years. I hold this hat in reverence like...a flag.

A flag!

How are you supposed to "retire" an old flag?

You burn it, silly!

jiggaWhat? Didn't we just outlaw that?

From the American Legion Flag FAQ:

Q: How are unserviceable flags destroyed?

A:The Flag Code suggests that, "when a flag has served its useful purpose, it should be destroyed, preferably by burning." For individual citizens, this should be done discreetly so the act of destruction is not perceived as a protest or desecration. Many American Legion Posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag Ceremonies on June 14, Flag Day. This ceremony creates a particularly dignified and solemn occasion for the retirement of unserviceable flags.

Okay, public service announcement. I just went out for a cigarette and my coworker Maureen just told me the one of the funniest stories I've ever heard...this is in quotes, but of course I'm paraphrasing...

"We had a 'funeral' for a friend of mine who was engaged and then it didn't work out, so we ordered a male stripper. We've got the living room set up with all the furniture moved out of the way and 30 girls, dressed all in black, wasted off their asses in a big circle. The stripper walks in as a fireman. He sets down his mini boom box, plays "it's getting hot in here" and starts pouring something on his body. Then he lights it.

The whole time he was trying to put himself out and we thought it was a part of his dance. Dude got second degree burns. We had called an ambulance. When the EMT's showed up, the girl who we threw the party for was wasted, thought they were strippers and kept screaming 'TAKE IT OFF!!!'

We still have the burnt shirt floating around somewhere.

Guess he had to retire his shirt.

So, back to the hat. Our good buddy Jonathan is having a white trash inflatable pool party on the 4th. Fourth of July seems like the perfect time to respectfully retire the hat in a blaze of glory, probably right at sunset.

I'll miss you old pal, but it's time.



edit: picture added 7/1

-z

do NOT buy this book from them.

-z

edit: here's why not.